How God Loves Us

Oh - How God loves us. I am reminded today of an example of the power of His love.
During his last week on earth, David said to me "I need to confess something to you that may change your love for me." I simply looked at him and said, "If God is prompting you to confess something, just do it." He talked about something he did as a young man that "bothered" him. Before he finished, the nurse walked in and we went back into the "hospital mode". Thoughts of anything he said were gone.
That means I never got a chance to say to him "No matter what you ever confess - no matter what you have ever done - NOTHING can change how much I love you - NOTHING!"
"Can anything separate us from the love of Christ?"
I understand that love of Christ - just a little more - when I think that the enemy wanted David to believe that something could affect my love for him.
In fact, I think his confession gave me even more love for him because I shared in his humanness - and anything that he did or tried to do on earth only strengthens how wonderful God is to give us - by the grace we receive with forgiveness - freedom from our humanness and sin.
Is there anything that can separate us from the love of Christ?
I believe it can only be strengthened as we admit our humanness, ask forgiveness and walk in His gift of freedom.
God bless you with a free day!
Love, ME

Blogging Fun

Well, as I am watching Julie & Julia, I am reminded that I began blogging and LOVE writing - so I want to do this more often. :)
Today was a collection of moments that merged together to make a wonderful "beginning of Spring" day. 55 degrees - sweet!
Beginning with cleaning out cabinets - always interesting to see what I have stored in them - cleaning behind the refrigerator - wondering how some of that stuff got back there - and exercising at Curves with Zumba - yes, Zumba - some fast paced dancing in between the exercise time on the machines. I made it in time for a little splice of dance time to cap off my exercise portion of the day. It was fun to watch the Curves community enjoy dance exercise together.
When a prayer appointment went well this afternoon, I realized that a good day for me is a little different each day. Yesterday was not as sweet as it could have been - they opened the golf course and I realized why I want to move - living on a golf course is a constant reminder of who I miss - thus cleaning out cabinets in order to get ready to move is a really good thing. I feel like I am going forward - facing the future with eyes wide open - and thanking God each day!
How magnificent to enjoy life with Jesus. How simple and beautiful life can be with Him at the helm of my "ship".
So, Spring cleaning and taking time to exercise, along with time for prayer - what a wonderful way to celebrate life. What a wonderful day!
Have a blessed evening :)
Mary

Simply Being

Reading a book on waiting. Realizing I don't do it often. I am usually quick to have an answer - even if it may not be the right answer. Actually, I usually have three of four choices for answers. Studying waiting has been eye opening. The line I am processing right now is "abandoning the side of us that wants to achieve and simply be". When I think of my life, I think of all the things I want to achieve - whether it is for me or someone else. I think of all the time I spend coming up with answers, solutions and remedies. Now, there is a certain amount of achieving necessary and, responsibly speaking, truly important. Yet, have I taken it to unnecessary levels? Have I been off balance? Can I truly enjoy simply "being" - simply being alive? Can I dismiss thoughts of who needs something - what needs to be fixed - or what needs to be accomplished and just spend some time "breathing" and enjoying that I am alive?
Yes - I have decided. I realized all the time I have spent on thoughts of making up for others needs - thinking I needed to fill a gap in someone else' life. Wow - I can picture the Lord laughing - "Look at Mary - there she goes again - trying to fix someone (or something for someone)." I think, in books, it is called a "Savior Complex".
Okay - I am spending time off the throne - I am going to enjoy simply being today -
I look outside and see diamonds sparkling - the top of the snow is simply dazzling - beauty in frigid temperatures - God's gift of seasons is amazing.
May you enjoy today - may it bless you to simply be -
and may we all give God His place on the throne of our lives. As, Jesus is an amazing Savior! For Jesus' Glory,
Mary

A New Normal

Yes, there seems to be times in our lives when we need to realize a new normal. Any given daily routine, friendships, eating, sleeping, the "gift of time", every breath I took, choices and attitudes seemed to change abruptly two years ago.
I believe I searched for ways to get some of my normal back for quite a while - fighting the change necessary in my life. Not out of ingratitude for what I still have, but out of the strong desire to not lose something so good.
Well, as Good as God is, He has brought me to a safe place once again. I am anticipating a new normal and, today, am excited for hints He has given me on where to search for it. I have been studying Scripture on His Sovereignty - and reading, from many authors, the simple fact that God created each of us uniquely. Tapping into how He created us - what we like to do - is glorifying to Him.
I really liked my life married to David and everything we did together. Now, I needed to spend time thinking of what Mary likes to do - how can she glorify God each day with what He has given her?
Well - for today - because change is the one thing we can count on :) - so, for today, I remembered how much I love math - since I was 16, I wanted to be a math teacher.
Now, I don't know if that is in God's plan for me, but it is in my plan to search for ways to educate myself so I may be able to be a teacher's aide or somehow help others love math. That is just how I was made.
And, I am excited, going forward, to see what the Good Lord has for me to experience in ways I can glorify Him with my love for math.
May you enjoy what He has for you going forward!
For Jesus' Glory,
Mary

Sparks

I've been trying to "figure out" what life is like for David. Now, in the Bible, God calls it Paradise and we humans have limited views of Paradise. In fact, I think most of us have different views of what Paradise would be. From my experience with him, Paradise for David is a place where, first of all, he is in God's presence and secondly, he can experience total joy. Joy for David would be cutting grass, or some kind of hard work, followed by a golf game, a good meal and then rest.

I understood David so well - and he understood me well. We could finish each others' sentences, order meals for each other, we knew when to laugh at each other and when not to laugh - and you see - therein lies my dilemma.
In reality, I have no idea what he is really experiencing - for over 15 years, I knew his thoughts, his habits, his likes and dislikes - and I don't believe he has any dislikes now - I'm positive all is good in Paradise -
But - I do miss knowing what he is experiencing, thinking, enjoying. I miss him.

I met a new friend for dinner this week - he talked about his wife and I talked about David. Some friends asked if there were "sparks" between us - I'm not sure how anyone can feel sparks for a new friend when they are in love with their spouse -
I am in love with David and this friend is in love with his wife - even though they are in heaven and we can't enjoy that love the way we would like.

I remember watching TV one evening and David asked - "Who do you think is a good looking actor?", to which I replied - "I don't." "What do you mean?" he asked. "I don't think of other males as good looking - I only think of you."

Sparks - they fly from my heart when I think of David - and they always will.

Enjoy those who make sparks fly in your world :)
Mary

WOW!

June 27, 2010
Wow! How quickly memories can flood your mind with sweetness :)
I was speaking with someone about driving to Florida and suddenly, there I was. In the passenger seat searching the maps for another route for David. He used to call me "Map Challenged" and I was. We drove back and forth so many times I began memorizing the large cities we drove through and the quickest routes around them. But, during the beginning years of our travels, he would ask me for an alternate route and I would look at the map - and - NOTHING - I mean it - nothing looked like another route to me - the map might as well have been in Chinese! We would laugh at each other's shortcomings - Lord knows we both had them -
And, as much as I laugh now - I do think I learned to laugh at myself through laughing with him. One of the greatest gifts we can give each other is love with acceptance - the kind of acceptance that says "You are not perfect, but I accept you just as you are and love you." There were no conditions on his love for me and I learned how to love others' that way.
Another gift - he loved to teach and I was not always the best pupil. Right before he was diagnosed, he gave me an hour golf lesson in a sand trap and I remember him thanking me for having a "teachable spirit" that day. I was thanking him for the lesson and he was thanking me for being teachable - wow - what fun.
I have seen growth in the grieving process in the sand traps - I no longer cry when I am in them - I did - and not just because it meant a tough golf game that day :)
May you be wowed today - may you enjoy some sweetness to some memories - and enjoy unconditional love from someone - because that is Christ loving you through them.
Much love,
Mary

Caulking

March 29, 2010
It was a posting on Caring Bridge. David mentioned doing something "normal" and caulking the bathroom shower floor while listening to oldies music one sunny day after his cancer diagnosis. Caulking - he loved to "putz" around our home and accomplish something.
So, caulking today was a new step forward for me. I have done it before but gladly turned it over to David once we married. It was okay for me not to try to fit a small line of wet gook in a tight space for 15 years :)
I think it looks okay - and if it doesn't, that is okay, too.
It is kind of amazing how much meaning things can have to us - how many memories can be ignited with simple things.
I am so grateful for the gift of memory - that God allows us to remember things - what a blessing.
As I imagine David walking by Jesus' side, enjoying things so wonderful that I can't possibly imagine them, I like to think that every once in a while they look down together and watch - David smiles and says to Jesus "There goes our girl - she's moving forward." And, Jesus might reply - "Yeah - that's why I gave her to you - I knew everything you two would experience and I knew that when your days on earth were complete, she would be grateful and move forward."
Love you,
Mary