Sunday, June 7, 2009

Equally Yoked

There was a time when David considered a franchise, as a business opportunity, in a company called Equally Yoked. This company tries to help single Christians meet other single Christians.
I've decided to contact them.
There is pain in missing David and some of the pain is in being alone at events.
I realized that I will always miss David - until I see him again in heaven.
But, I actually thought that I had to miss him - sit in this pain - as a way of preserving our love. I think I was holding on to the memories in a painful way. For me, there was so much fun in being a couple - he made my life and each event sweeter. So, because of him, I want to be open to being a couple again.
This is, I think, bringing some extra hope into my life. Hope of more and more of Christ's love for me through humans. And, hope of a little less pain.
Now, I know Christ is all things to each of us Christians and will continue to be the love of my life. David will be second (though, he and I agreed our children were tied for second in each other's lives).
I trust the Lord to bring more and more hope into your life - He is a God of hope and love - and we are so blessed to know Him!
For Jesus' Glory, Mary

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

This "Season"

Well, it seems sometimes like this should get easier. I am aware of not crying as long or as hard sometimes, but the ache in my heart as I remember sweet days with David still cries out for that day again. As I hug an alligator given by friends who stayed with us in Florida in February, 2008, I remember such sweetness as we laughed together in a warm climate - truly enjoying every bit of a sweet life together - and, could it really have been 16 months ago? Is it possible that I have not heard David's laugh in person for that long? How can that be when it feels so real still? His companionship resounds in my heart, mind, spirit and body.
As I "push" forward - working with God on enjoying every single day He has gifted me with - I am given the grace to enjoy and treasure life - and I am very grateful. Is it possible to enjoy life while still feeling like part of me is missing?
I guess so, because part of me is missing. I haven't lost it. I know exactly where it is - in heaven - and I know I will be reunited with it again.
David used to say that life is 10% what happens and 90% your attitude, so I do choose an attitude of gratitude for the 90% of my life. But, I still want to acknowledge that the 10% of what happened last May, when Christ called David home, sometimes feels like 99% of what happened in my life instead of just 10%.
I am so grateful for God's grace to walk with us through tough times - He is so faithful and I am truly 100% grateful!
Love you, Mary