Remember?

The Caring Bridge web-site truly blessed our lives last year. And, now, it is blessing mine again. I had a booklet made out of all the postings - both ours and yours - and am reading what David and I posted and your responses - each day of the battle last year at this time.
I am, again, amazed at the prayers, love and support we were given and I continue to receive from so many wonderful people. Jesus' love, through you, truly blessed us and continues to bless me. So, Thank You!
Thank you for remembering us in prayer - thank you for remembering us by posting encouragement, sending cards, telephone calls, meals - THANK YOU.

Last night, I attended a Chris Tomlin concert at the Sears Center and, being sold out, it was amazing to watch so many people worship Jesus. Chris played many songs that brought sweet tears to my eyes - how much Jesus loves us and how much we are, through Jesus' love, able to love others. Also, how much we miss people we love. Yet, since God is God and I am not :), I am always brought to my knees in humble adoration of this wonderful relationship that God allows. Because David and I both shared this wonderful relationship with Jesus, I know I will see David again and can look forward to that day.

Until then, it is important to remain grateful - and I am. This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! I pray you will enjoy a grateful heart, also.

God bless you today, Mary

March 21, 2009

Well, here is the beginning of the anniversary. Tomorrow, March 21, is exactly one year to the day that the Dr. found fluid "where it shouldn't be" in David's body. One week later, March 28, we heard this fluid had cancer cells in it. As I have written already about expecting to be thankful during this anniversary season, I admit that there is growth and grieving (thanks, Gail!). Growth in my appreciation of all this wonderful man contributed to my life and grieving the loss of his presence.
My car broke down yesterday and I had plumbing problems - two things he loved to deal with. Even though I felt God's presence and guidance (He sent Ellen with me, so I was not alone and we could have had an accident on 294, but the Lord somehow allowed the car to roll off an exit), I still missed telling David what happened. I got used to sharing fixing things with him. He was a great partner :)
God has given me many years without a husband before meeting David, but, the bottom line is from the Bible - "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him." We suited each other well. I miss him.
So, I understand bittersweet - it is bitter to lose someone you love, yet sweet as the Lord provides everything you need.
May you be blessed with everything you need today - God is our provider!
Love, Mary

Really - and Anniversaries

Really? Was I carrying unnecessary guilt? After a difficult weekend with a lot of grieving tears two weeks ago, I decided to seek answers from a professional. I asked the receptionist for an appointment with a counselor that had a degree in divinity - I wanted answers from someone who knew the Bible well.
After telling her some of David and my story, and how God met us at every turn during the five weeks we handled his diagnosis, she simply asked me why I was taking a gift and picking it apart - she said that I was implying that God's grace was not sufficient enough to get me and David through that difficult season. I had been feeling guilty about some things I may not have done or said "right". Unnecessary guilt. God's grace is sufficient and it allowed me to minister to my wonderful husband wonderfully - not because I am wonderful, but because God's grace is!
I walked out of her office free - free from guilt. I am now able to enjoy the memory of a difficult season because God is good and was providing everything David and I needed each day.
March 28th begins the 1st anniversary of those five weeks. We first heard David had cancer on Friday, March 28th and he went home to heaven on Friday, May 2nd.
Anniversaries are interesting. We can choose to remember the gift of those days and celebrate God's love or we can be reminded of the anniversary with painful memories. I'm choosing to remember the gift - choosing to thank God for the gift of His presence during a difficult season - thanking Him for His faithfulness and amazing grace that drew David and I closer to Him as He walked David to heaven.
I pray your anniversaries are gifts!
Love you, Mary

Making All Things New

Let's. Let's join Christ when He promises to make all things new. I certainly can use some new things - like a new attitude when my joy is stolen :)
I choose joy and try to say each morning "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." And, even with a comedian at church today, my joy seems short lived. It comes and goes - kind of like a breeze - I don't see it coming or going - it is just there and then it is gone.
I guess that is the reality of a "season of grieving". Our emotions kind of play their own game and our minds can't always stay on top of them.
For the most part, life is so much easier when we are joyful. Real joy - like belly laughing, tickling, singing a song, humming a tune. I remember a gentleman humming at work the other day and I stopped to listen - not that I knew the tune - I just wanted to enjoy his enjoyment of his work.
Remember Disney's "whistle while you work" song? I do. It had a good message. I'm in a battle for my joy and I'm going to take a stand and get it back - allowing Christ to make all things new :)
I think David would like that - his attitude was always to try to be grateful. Even if it seems difficult, we can find something to be grateful for in every situation.
Gratefulness probably leads to whistling - or maybe whistling leads to gratefulness. Oh well, we'll see - I'll try both -
Have a grateful, whistling while you work kind of week -
Mary