Thursday, September 10, 2009

Getting Used To

I think I'm in the midst of a battle - as we all are - and this one has a name called "Getting Used To". I'm getting used to David not being home when I get here. I'm getting used to my time alone - I'm getting used to seeing his picture and realizing that any photo must be at least 17 months old. I'm getting used to the fact that my life is totally changed - yes, it is still good - but it is drastically changed and my life with him - on earth - can't come back.
I'm getting used to doing laundry for one - eating whatever I want whenever I want with no regards to mealtimes - enjoying something and not calling him to tell him about it - sleeping at night and waking up to my first thought of "oh yeah - David is in heaven" - having everything in the home stay where I put it - signing cards "I" instead of "We" - and finding a different kind of joy.
There is, indeed, joy every day. It is just different.
I called this a battle because it is. Part of me is still "fighting" to not accept this reality of change in my life. I'm accepting it, but, every once in a while, the rebellious Mary says - "I don't want to accept this." Therein lies the battle. Along with acceptance comes peace - and since I want peace, I must accept the facts. Reality. Change.
I kind of feel like an amputee - part of me has been taken away - yet, I have on a replacement part - I look okay and work well enough - but I'm just not as good as before the amputation. My life is good and works well enough - but it is just not as good as when David walked alongside me.
I could not have imagined God would ever give me the kind of life and love He gave me through David. Is it possible that I cannot imagine a future as wonderful that God still has planned? "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you hope and a future."
I do look forward to His plans.

Sunday, September 6, 2009


Happy Sunday!
This is out of a book called HEAVEN by Randy Alcorn and it lifted my spirit today. I was not having as much peace as God offers, so I cried out to God and He answered through this wonderful book. I hope it gives you a "lift" like it did me :)

"Imagine someone takes you to a party. You see a few friends there, enjoy conversations, laughter and decent appetizers. The party is alright, but you keep hoping it will get better. Suddenly, your friend says, "I need to take you home." NOW?
You are disappointed - nobody wants to leave a party early - but you leave and your friend drops you off at your house. As you approach the door, you are feeling all alone and sorry for yourself. As you open the door and reach for the light switch, you sense someone's there. Your heart is in your throat and you flip on the light. "Surprise!" Your house is full of smiling people, familiar faces.
It's a party - for YOU. You smell your favorites - the tables are full - it is a feast! You recognize the guests, people you have not seen for a long time. Then, one by one, the people you most enjoyed at the party show up at your house, grinning. This turns out to be the REAL party. You realize that if you stayed longer at the other party, as you'd wanted, you wouldn't be at the real party - you'd be away from it.
Christians faced with terminal illness or imminent death often feel they are leaving the party before it is over. They have to go home early. They are disappointed, thinking of all they will miss when they leave. But, the TRUTH is, the real party is underway at home - precisely where they are going. They are not the ones missing the party; those of us left behind are (fortunately, if we know Jesus, we will get there eventually).
One by one, occasionally a few of us at a time, we will disappear from this world. Those we leave behind will grieve that their loved ones have left home. In reality, however, their believing loved ones aren't leaving home, they're going home. They'll be home before us. We'll be arriving at the party a little later."
Praise the Lord!
Love you, Mary

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Further Away and Closer To

Each day brings me further away from the wonderful moments in time I spent with David that are captured in pictures around my home. As I glance at some photos tonight, I think - his presence in my life is getting further away. It stings a little less everytime I think of enjoying something together.
And, as the memories get further away, our future together gets closer. Each day that passes brings me closer to eternity. I get closer to seeing Jesus in Heaven and enjoying what plans He has for my future, which I know will include more time with David :)
So, I'm actually growing further away from David's physical presence here on earth, but closer to his physical presence in eternity. Quite a thought!
I was given a gift from God yesterday in Scripture.
I may have written about the elderly woman at the nursing home that gave me a "pearl of wisdom" when she said, "My husband has been gone for around six years. I miss him every day and I find joy every day." My reply to her was "That is my motto! Thank you!"
Well, yesterday, God showed me it was in His Word. May I share from 2 Corinthians 6:10 "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing". My motto.May God give you reason to rejoice - or, may you notice all the reasons in your life to rejoice and thank God :)
Love you, Mary